TTP Intelligence Bulletin

Has Al Qaeda Surrendered? Folks passing each other in the halls at CIA headquarters were saying Happy New Year with particular enthusiasm this week. The buzz all over Langley is that the Al Qaeda audiotape, which seems to be Osama Bin Laden’s voice, released on January 4 may be an announcement of surrender. “O Moslems: The situation is serious and the misfortune is momentous,” Osama proclaims to the world Islamic community, bewailing the “pitch-black misfortunes” and “adversities and calamities” brought about by America’s defeat of Saddam and co-opting other Arab regimes. So what to do about “this miserable situation”? Take the offensive, attack the US again? Nope — there’s not even a hint of that. Instead, Osama proposes the formation of “a Council for Ahl al-Hallwa al-Aqd” (“loose and bind,” the tradition in Islamic law of a group of respected community and religious leaders who can remove rulers — specifically for Osama, the Saudi Royals — from power and appoint new ones in their place). For all the “chatter” heard planning terrorist atrocities, Orange Alerts, British Airlines flights canceled, et al, this audiotape may be Osama waving the white flag. He knows that GW’s #1 goal this year is to kill him, and may be signaling that he will not be provoking Americans any more. No one is drinking champagne at Langley over this — any optimism is heavily blanketed with caution. But when the world’s worst terrorist announces “the solution to our problems is to form a committee” like any hack politician, maybe — just maybe — victory in the War on Moslem Terrorism is in sight.

President Pander. A large and growing contingent of conservative Republican Congressfolk are blowing their stacks over GW’s plan to legalize millions of illegal aliens. After saddling taxpayers with a multi-trillion dollar Medi-Pander Entitlement to curry favor with Greedy Geezers, now President Pander wants to do the same with Hispanics. “What the President won’t understand” one Congressman tells To The Point, “is that illegal immigration is a national security issue. Of the seven million illegal aliens we have in this country, five million are from Mexico. They owe their allegiance to Mexico, and the Mexican Government is using them as part of its strategy to gain sovereign control over the Southwestern United States and negate the 1848 Treaty of Guadalupe Hidalgo. Bush forced the House to roll over on his Medicare bill, but there is no way we’re going to roll over on this one.”