HALF-FULL REPORT 03/06/09

When I walked into the HFR Saloon today, everyone at the bar was laughing their heads off.  "What’s so funny?" I asked.  "Haven’t you heard?" came a reply.  "Our messiah-in-chief has a new title.  He’s now President Teleprompter."

"Yes, even the New York Times is saying he’s addicted – can’t give a speech or make the simplest announcement without it," my barmate continued.  There’s even a website now: teleprompterpresident.com

"And this guy has the audacity to make fun of Rush Limbaugh – who just spoke at that CPAC conference for 90 minutes straight without a single note.  Can you imagine what would happen to Zero if he had to debate Rush one-on-one?  He’d be a joke."

"He already is a joke, and a quite tasteless one," I responded.  "That’s why he’s being called ‘Jimmy Obama,’ after the disastrous bad joke of the Carter presidency."  I ordered a pint of Guinness.

"But he’s already blown way past Carter incompetence.  So I think we should start calling him ‘Richard Obama’ – after Richard Nixon."

Everyone at the bar gave me a blank stare.

"Ah, how did Nixon’s presidency end?" I asked rhetorically.  "He resigned, he quit.  Our country literally cannot afford four years of Zero – our economy and our national security will be ruined, no joke, no exaggeration.  We need this guy outta here ASAP.  We need him to suffer the fate of Richard Nixon."

Everyone promptly ordered another Guinness with which to properly reflect on this.

***
Reflection means sipping slowly, however, so I thought I’d propose a series of toasts.  "Let’s drink to the most heroic guy in the US Senate – Tom Coburn," was my first.

"Coburn, you know, is a medical doctor who continues his practice when home in Oklahoma.  He’s delivered thousands of babies.  Last Friday (2/27), the Zero White House said it would eliminate Bush’s ‘conscience clause’ that allows doctors to refuse to perform abortions in federally-funded hospitals and clinics.

"That means that doctors would be violating federal law by refusing to abort a baby.  Coburn announced the same day that he would not obey, and welcomed federal prosecutors to come after him.

"This is a United States Senator engaging in civil disobedience, publicly saying he will not obey an immoral law.  He is telling us all that Americans have no duty to obey immoral laws, that not only is it their political right but their moral duty to conduct civil disobedience against them."

"This is exactly what we need to hear.  The more civil disobedience against Federale Fascism the better.  Tom Coburn should be an inspiration to all Americans."

We all drank to the good Oklahoman.  Then I made my second toast, and my third.  "Now here’s to the Democrats…"

Immediately I was being cursed at, with one barmate about to pour his Guinness over my head.  "Hey, haven’t you guys heard of divide et impera, Caesar’s strategy of divide and conquer or rule?" I pleaded.  "So I’m toasting Democrat Senator Evan Bayh of Indiana, who wrote in the Wall Street Journal (3/04) that the Senate should reject the Pelosi-Reid Omnibus spending bill and that if it doesn’t Zero should veto it!

"And I’m also hoisting my Guinness to the Gang of 16 – sixteen (!) Democrat Senators who are opposing Zero’s signature cap-and-trade bill.  These are all "Rust Belt" senators whose states will be screwed by the hundreds of billions in business-killing taxes Zero’s cap’ntrade will impose. 

"This all means a civil war is breaking out within Democrats in Congress – between those who don’t want to ruin our economy and those who do.

"The Detroit News declares that cap-and-trade will sink Michigan.  Bloomberg is calling this the Obama Bear Market.  The Wall Street Journal claims that Obama’s Radicalism Is Killing The Dow.  Dems in Congress care more for their electoral hides than for Zero, trust me – except for the radical crazies like Pelosi, Reid, Waxman, Conyers and other sordid souls.

"As Zero gets the blame for America’s economic destruction, these Dems are going to run for the exits.  They already are.  So let’s encourage them.  Here’s to them."

Everyone raised their glass, if hesitantly.

"And now, a final toast, to the most spoiled, smart-aleck, smart-ass generation in our history, the kids who brought us pierced nipples, full body tattoos, and the most obnoxious music ever performed – rap – the Xers."

I thought I was going to get punched out.  One fellow quickly drained his pint glass so he could smash my jaw with it.  "Okay, okay, let me just ask you a question before we have a barfight," I requested.  "Is there any greater generational hatred on the planet than between Xers and Boomers?"  They agreed there wasn’t.

"So how about a generational divide et impera?  Done right, it could turn Xers, and Yers too, from Zero-worshippers to Zero-despisers."  They were warily listening.

"On top of all the trillions of dollars of debt that Zero is piling up, and promises to continue doing for years, which Xers and Yers (born 1961-1981, 1982-2004 respectively) will have to spend the rest of their lives paying off – here comes the final straw:  Public pension funds are going broke and will need a bailout of one, maybe two, maybe more, trillion dollars.

"These are for bureaucrats who sat on their duffs in make-work, or make-trouble-for-us jobs for years and were promised big bloated retirement pensions.  But now the states and cities don’t have the money.  The Boomer bureaucrats who are retired or are soon planning to be can kiss their pensions goodbye.

"Unless, that is, the states and the feds can steal what’s left of Xer paychecks to pay for it.  Xers are going to be impoverished in order to pay for Boomers’ cushy retirement.  It might just be the Xer tipping point.  We need to channel all that rebellious Xer energy Boomers find so repugnant into useful purposes – like a tax revolt and demanding Zero resign."

I paused to finish off my pint and order another.  "Well, maybe you have a point," someone said grudgingly, "but I want to hear more about Richard."

I raised my eyebrows.  "Richard Obama," he reminded.

***
"OK, why did Nixon resign?  He wasn’t the sociopath that Clinton was.  Slick was incapable of shame, he was all chutzpah all the time not caring about public revulsion and thinking he could bully and BS his way through impeachment.  Not so Nixon.

"Zero is not a sociopath.  He is a narcissist.  Such folk have fragile psyches which can be destabilized.  The fact that he’s so unsure of himself he can’t speak without a teleprompter is the latest evidence.  You guys all read about Zero’s personality consisting of narcissism and hubris in The Beauty of 2010 – right?

"When his popularity crashes to below 40% approval (it could go far lower), and he is ridiculed as a joke instead of worshipped as a savior, then he is going to disintegrate.  What we need, though, is a catalyst – some issue that focuses the public’s rejection of him and provides the rationale for demanding his resignation.

"It could be something else, something out of the blue that we’ve never thought of yet, but one such catalyst could be the birth certificate thing."

Everyone groaned.  "That’s just Joe Farah beating a dead horse on World Net Daily," complained one.  "Haven’t you heard?" asked another.  "Two Republican Senators have said so – Martinez says the voters have bypassed the Constitution and Kyl says he believes Snopes!"  "And that federal judge who just threw out the lawsuit saying it was ‘foolish’," added a third. 

"All true," I admitted.  "The story is dead now.  But the more Zero fails and the economy flails, the more folks will be in search of something to Nixonize him with.  More and more will ask, "Since it’s just too easy to produce the real birth certificate, why won’t he?  What’s he hiding?"

"More and more, people will suspect that he is hiding something really damaging to him.  More and more, they will demand to know what it is. And when they do – ka-boom. The whole thing sounds ridiculous.  But no more ridiculous than some stupid political burglary bringing down a sitting President of the United States."

There was silence for a moment.  Then someone shouted, "Well, I’ll drink to that!!"  We all raised our Guinnesses to drink to the Nixonization of Richard Obama.