HALF-FULL REPORT 01/16/09

The HFR starts off this week by celebrating the first nomination of the year for the coveted Darwin Awards.

As you may know, these awards are given to individuals of such inspiring idiocy they have contributed to the benefit of mankind by removing themselves from the gene pool.

So it is that a Darwin Award is hereby bestowed upon the eight Somali pirates who a few days ago capsized their speedboat escaping with $3 million in ransom cash.  Five of them drowned, three swam to shore, all the money was lost at sea save for $153,000 found on the body of one of the five who washed up on a beach.

Now if all the Somali pirates could be removed from gene pool.  There is a quick and easy way to do this.  In the middle of the Indian Ocean not far from the Somali coast is an island called Diego Garcia.  It belongs to the Brits, and leased by them to the US as a military base.  We have B52s there.

All that has to be done is have one B52 take off from Diego Garcia’s 11,000-foot runway, cruise on over to the Somali coast, and drop its full bomb load of 60,000 pounds of explosive ordinance on the pirate’s capital, the port city of Eyl.

No more pirates.  No more problem.  See how easy things are if you act with moral clarity?  In the meantime, at least we’ve all had a good laugh at the ridiculous yet deserved fate of the Drowned Somali Five.

*  *  *  *  *

There’s not a single drop in the HFR’s American glass this week, drained dry of any optimism given the coming Anointing of the Messiah here in DC ("Inauguration" is far too weak and secular a description).  So let’s look elsewhere in the world for some good news.

How about Bangladesh?  Read The World’s Most Dangerous Catfight to get you up to speed here.  The situation described over four years ago has been frozen in place by the military establishing a caretaker government.  But at the end of last month (12/30/08), elections were held with the anti-terrorist, anti-Islamist party – the Awami League led by Hasina Wajid – winning a stunning victory.

Awami won 230 out of 300 seats in Parliament.  The pro-terrorist, pro-Islamist BNP party of Khaleda Zia won only 31 (other parties won the remainder).  Sheikha Hasina Wajid was sworn in as Prime Minister on January 6^th last week.  One her initial announcements was that Bangladesh and India would soon be holding its first-ever joint military exercises.

Moslem Bangladesh (population 155 million) is now a moderate anti-radical Islam democracy at peace and cooperation with India.  Very good news indeed.

And how about another neighbor of India’s, Sri Lanka?  The beautiful island nation once called Ceylon and its Buddhist majority of ancient Sinhalese people have been struggling for 30 years against a brutal insurgency of Hindu Tamils who immigrated from southern India.

It was the Tamil Tigers who invented suicide bombing as a terrorist technique in 1987.  They have perpetrated incredible atrocities against the Sinhalese, and their fellow Tamils who won’t take their orders.  They are tough, vicious fighters, whom the more gentle Buddhist government soldiers couldn’t dislodge from their strongholds in the north – until now.

Finally, government forces seized the critical Elephant Pass at the entrance to the Jaffna Peninsula at the island’s tip last Friday (1/09), after taking the insurgent "capital" of Kilinochchi a few days earlier.  Yesterday, (1/14) they consolidated control of the entire Jaffna Peninsula, with the Tigers retreating south to the port of Mullaittivu, their last remaining stronghold.

The Tamil Tigers, one of the world’s most evil armed groups, is about to be crushed into non-existence.  Very good news indeed.

Of course, the best news of the week is that Israel has not been intimidated by the Nazi U.N. and has kept after Hamas in Gaza with full guns blazing.  Taking out Hamas Interior Minister Said Siam, head of all Hamas security and militia forces, and Hamas Gen. Abu Shrakh, head of the Hamas General Security Service yesterday (1/15) is the latest success.

The HFR raises a chilled glass of Goldstar beer to the IDF!

*  *  *  *  *

How about some absurd news to lighten things up as we enter the Age of Zero?

Few things could be more absurd than the Kremlin’s answer to Al Capone, Vlad Putin, having his PR department portray him as a painter, a sensitive artiste, a true Renaissance Man.  Putin the painter.  It’s what he can do during his soon-to-be forced retirement.

Right up there on the absurdity level is news that Indonesian government officials are riding to work on bicycles to fight global warming. 

This needs to catch on with Democrats in Congress right here in Washington.  Especially today when it is 20 degrees, and especially for arch-fascist Henry Waxman (D-CA), chairman of the House Energy & Commerce Committee, who is vowing draconian legislation to "curb greenhouse gas emissions" like CO2.

We should all write to Waxman suggesting the second-best way to curb emissions would be to ride a bicycle.  The absolute best way, of course, would be to curb the CO2 emissions from his mouth by no longer breathing.

*  *  *  *  *

I shudda been a trader! 

The papers are full this week of stories about research showing that the most successful financial traders have longer ring fingers relative to their index finger.  The longer one’s ring finger, the more one was exposed to testosterone while a fetus in the womb.

Thus there is a correlation between the ring/index digit ratio and a trader’s annual income:

The ratio is computed by measuring the length of the index and ring fingers from the first skin fold or crease at the bottom to the tip, then dividing the index length by the ring length. 

Immediately upon seeing this story, the HFR proceeded to determine the digit ratio of this hand:

Turns out it has a digit ratio 44% lower than that of those million dollar guys with .932.  This hand is .888!  That is, the ring finger is 3 and 3/8" while the index is 3 even.  And whose hand is it?

Yep, you guessed it – I shudda been a trader!

Guess I’ll have to stick to writing the HFR instead.