HALF FULL REPORT 03/07/08

This week's HFR focuses on the Obamarama – or as Jack Kelly describes him, the guy in an empty suit with a glass jaw. 

Naturally, we're all dancing on the bar tables over Hillary's winning Texas and Ohio, ensuring a vicious catfight between her and Obambi from now ‘till Labor Day.  What fun.

It turns out, though, that Hillary has a woman on her side who is turning out to be one of her campaign's greatest assets, who just may ensure the Hildebeast's victory over Obambi and her nomination.  Nope, not Gloria Steinem nor Barbra Streisand nor Halle Berry.  I refer, of course, to Mrs. Barack Hussein Obama, Jr., Obambi's wife Michelle.

She first emerged as Hillary's mole with her now-legendary not-really-proud announcement.  Google her name plus "proud" and you'll get 266,000 hits.  Then she proceeds to top saying she's not proud of being American with denouncing America as a country that's "just downright mean."

Thanks to Michelle, observers from here to Hong Kong, like Asia Times columnist Spengler, have figured out Hussein Obambi's deepest darkest secret:  He, like his wife, hates America.  Just like his mother, as Spengler points out, hated America.

As we've noted before, Obamamania is a frenzy, it's like getting emotionally drunk.  All frenzies fizzle, and when the hangover of reality sets in – in Obambi's case, that his message is not really about hope and happiness but hate and fear – it's a major bummer.

Which is why Hillary is sending boxes of chocolates and long-stemmed red roses to Michelle in gratitude and in hopeful prayers that her big mouth keeps right on talking.

***

Hillary has also sent her agents over to the State Department to confirm who the "gringos" are in Ecuador.

Two days before the Colombians ended his existence on March 1, FARC guerrilla leader Raul Reyes sent an email to his colleagues from his camp in Ecuador.  Retrieved from his captured computer, Reyes' memorandum says:

"The gringos called for a meeting with the minister to ask him to tell us they are interested in talking about several topics. They claim the new president in their country will be Obama and that these people are interested in their fellow citizens. Obama will support neither Plan Colombia nor the signature of the Free Trade Agreement."

As the PIAPS has found out, the "gringos" are US embassy staffers in Quito (Ecuador's capital) who are former staffers of Chris Dodd, the senator from Connecticut so left-wing he has homoerotic fantasies about Fidel Castro.

So don't be surprised if Hillary starts asking Obama about his policy towards Colombia and the narcoterrorist thugs of FARC.

***

You'd think, though, that John McCain would beat Hillary to it.  Then again, why not let Hillary beat up Obama for him?

What he really can't do is be a forgotten side show with everyone's eyes fixed on the center ring of the Hillary-Obambi circus.

He's got to offer clear conservative solutions to the principal worries of Americans.  Rather than frontally assault Hillary/Obambi, he's got to, as Karl Rove suggests, goad them into attacking him – then effectively counterpunch.

But he's also got to somehow gain the affection of millions of voters.  For a guy who has so many unlikeable characteristics he's nicknamed Johnny McPain, this is not easy.

Then again, it may be easier than you think.  Last April, he did a skit on Saturday Night Live.  It's been forgotten, but it's being revived via YouTube.  If he keeps doing stuff like this, and reinvents his persona as a guy like this, America – swallow hard and believe it or not – is going to fall in love with him.

Watch it and be prepared to not believe your ears about Log Cabin Republicans and Alaska wildlife, and to fall out of your chair laughing:

***

On the international scene, the HFR reports that Jews around the world rioted in violent protest over a British researcher's claims that Moses, the founder of the Jewish religion, was high on psychedelic drugs and hallucinated that he spoke to God on Mount Sinai.

The violence rapidly escalated in all seven continents when Palestinian terrorists began firing long-range missiles acquired from Iran into Israeli population centers such as Ashkelon, with Jews hunting down and killing Moslems on city streets world-wide.

When, in retaliation, a Jewish freedom fighter martyred himself by entering a Moslem religious school in Gaza yesterday (3/06), killing at least eight religious students and wounding dozens of others, Jews danced in celebration all over Jerusalem, hailing the attack as "heroic."

The best news of all is that Ehud Olmert, the most courageous leader Israel has ever had, informed the leaders of Hamas that the very next time a Katyusha rocket was fired upon Israeli civilians, he personally would push the button to launch a nuclear missile strike upon Gaza, permanently eliminating the Palestinian problem.

Wait… this just in… HFR regretfully must inform you that reports of Jews acting like Moslems is just an urban legend.  We must attribute this to wishful thinking upon the defenders of Israel.  Around the globe, Moslems are this day thanking Allah that Jews don't behave as they do.