COMIC RELIEF IN TEHRAN

The Pentagon takes the military and terrorist threat of Iran extremely seriously.  Yet the brass in Rummy’s inner circle could not keep their faces straight with all the recent announcements from Tehran.

A week ago on April 7, the air force chief of Pasdaran, Iran’s Revolutionary Guards, Gen. Hossein Salami, announced the successful firing of a stealth missile impossible to detect by radar, hailing the Fajr (Dawn) 3 as a "remarkable" achievement.

Turns out it was a primitive Shahab-2 copy of an unsophisticated Russian Scud-C.

Sunday April 9, the deputy naval commander of Pasdaran, Gen. Ali Fadavi announced the launching of "the world’s fastest underwater missile," a torpedo so fast it was undetectable.

Turns out it’s a poor copy of a Soviet-era rocket-powered torpedo, the Shkval.  It’s range is less than four miles, has no target designation devices and is not self-homing.  It’s huge wake makes it easy to spot and destroy.

Also on Sunday, Iranian state television showed footage of a "super-modern flying boat" capable of launching missiles.  "Because of the hull’s advanced design," proclaimed the newscast, "no radar at sea or in the air can locate it."

That’s what really made Rummy’s team laugh their heads off.  "This goofy contraption has a propeller!" one observed between belly-laughs.  "It’s about as stealthy as a lawn mower and about as hi-tech.  Looks like the pilot seat is a lawn chair bolted to the top of the hull.  These Iranians are funnier than anything on the Comedy Channel."

This should put in context the dog-and-pony show announcement by the Persian Midget, Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad (he’s 5ft-4) this Tuesday (4/11), that enriched uranium had been produced by 164 centrifuges at the Natanz nuclear facility.

It’s taken the Iranians years to do this.  Now suddenly they announce they are going to make 54,000 centrifuges, enough to produce weapons-grade uranium for about 20-30 Hiroshima-size fission bombs (10-20kt) a year.  164 centrifuges.  Wave a magic wand and we can make 54,000 more.  Thank you for sharing.

"I grew up in Southern California and got into a lot of drag races when I was a kid," said one Pentagon guy.  "The biggest put down of somebody’s car was ‘all show and no go.’  Looks like Tehran is getting desperate."

He meant that when you have to resort to such ridiculous bluff and bravado, it means you’re scared.  These goofball announcements are not meant to fool the world, they’re meant to fool the Iranian people.  The anger, disgust, and outright hatred of the Mullacracy by the people of Iran is at explosive levels.  Ahmadinejad thinks he can con his countryfolk into supporting his regime with these "historic accomplishments."

The Media touts these announcements as a way of making Americans afraid of Iran.  The Pentagon looks at these announcements and smells weakness.  "This regime is tottering," comments one of Rummy’s team.  "It would be so easy to push it over a cliff – easy if State and Langley wouldn’t get in the way."