HOW POLITICAL AND PERSONAL SERENITY IS POSSIBLE

This is the famous Serenity Prayer. There are things you can control, and things you can’t. With effort and willpower, you can control your own thoughts and actions. You can control how you express your feelings and desires. You can control a certain range of your life’s activities.

You can’t control other people’s reactions. You can’t control what other people do, think, or feel. You can’t make someone love you, or even like you. You can’t control most of what goes on in the world.

The implications of this are huge. Identifying what you can and cannot control makes you much more effective, much more happy and satisfied – and successful. If you’re spending time on things you can’t control, and not much time on things you can, you will become depressed and miserable.

It’s almost guaranteed. This is a recipe for helplessness, and depression is a symptom of a sense of helplessness.

This is one reason why we feel so miserable when we look at the political situation. At the moment, there is almost nothing that we can do to directly and significantly change the political situation in America.

That’s not to say that we can do nothing – or that we should do nothing. There are things to do; it’s just that most of those things are not what we end up doing. So we feel helpless and frustrated and even infuriated at what’s happening.

Here are things you can do:

–          Educate yourself on the underlying principles of your political philosophy. Politics is an effect of philosophical ideas. It is not primary; it is the application of ideas magnified through government force.

If you don’t know the philosophy behind your political beliefs, then what you are doing is taking a side in a fight – and it’s going to always feel like a fight. Read Mises, Hayek, and Friedman; read Jefferson; read the Federalist Papers – and the Anti-Federalist papers. Read John Mackey’s new book, Conscious Capitalism.

Understand what your beliefs are based on, and then you don’t have to get stuck in a fight between your marginally okay politician or party, and their rotten politician or party. You will be discussing principles. That’s a much more interesting discussion to have – and infinitely more effective.

–          When politics or philosophy comes up in a conversation, instead of arguing for your side or guy, look for the premise, the underlying belief, that your discussion partner is presuming. Ask friendly questions that require him to investigate that premise.

This can be a lot of fun, because you are not an adversary, you are just asking interesting questions in a friendly manner (you can be friendly with this approach). You may find that they have a good answer, and then you may end up learning something interesting as well.

–          Vote for a good person – not just somebody who is not quite as rotten as the other person; and it doesn’t have to be a perfect person, either. Just vote for a good person. Richard Nixon was a rotten person, and he did a rotten job, in more ways than I have room to go into here.

But he was the conservative, right? No, he was a progressive Republican, as was John McCain. Vote for your principles, not just somebody who happens to be a member of a particular party.

–          Join Tea Party Patriots, or another Tea Party Group, and do the action items they recommend.

–          Write or call politicians who give a damn. These may be few and far between. It’s a waste of my time to call Diane Feinstein or Barbara Boxer’s office. But when Tom Campbell was my congressman, I went to a lot of town hall meetings.

Okay, that’s not an exhaustive list, but it’s a good start. You can actually influence some people doing these things. What not to do?

–          Don’t argue with people on the internet. If they’re arguing with you, they are doing so because they are as set in their ideas as you are in yours. Don’t waste your time.

"But, somebody on the internet is wrong!" That’s a fact of life. Your 30 minute response to them will do nothing to change their mind, and you could’ve spent it doing something effective, like a Tea Party action item.

–          Don’t spend too much time looking at news or internet sources (except To The Point!). Be informed, but don’t be obsessed. I find that when I don’t check my favorite news sites for a few days, nothing in the world is any different than if I had checked it every five minutes.

You read the news to be informed; but you don’t need to spend all day on it to have a good idea of what’s going on.

–          Don’t argue with hard core leftists. It’s just a waste of time, and it feels bad – unless you are very good at it, and other people who might be influenced are listening.

In college I got in an argument with a communist during a rally when John Anderson’s daughter (remember John Anderson?) was speaking. A few minutes into it I looked around and noticed that there was a larger crowd gathered around listening to us than to the famous speaker. That was fun.

–          Don’t argue from labels. Don’t identify your position as republican or conservative or libertarian. Speak from principles, and you’ll be pleasantly surprised how much more interesting the conversation can be.

–          Don’t obsess about elections. Vote; do what you can to support the best candidate; but don’t let your life be ruled by it. I voted for Romney in California, which had zero electoral impact. I also spent hours and hours following the campaign, watching debates, hoping that he would win.

None of that activity made any difference. It just took me away from more important things. It would’ve been better for me to spend more time with more effective things.

I am not advocating complacency, or resignation. To the contrary, I am suggesting that you get as effective as you possibly can, so that you are spending your time doing what makes a difference, and not spending your time on what has no effect.

If you’re getting really mad, chances are you’re not doing things that are effective. Don’t get mad, get effective.

In your personal life, the principle is no different.

You want your marriage to improve? Don’t try and change your mate. That’s a dead end, and it is a strategy that just shows your mate how disappointed you are with him or her. Not a good recipe for romance.

Instead, look for things you can do yourself that you know will make him or her happy, and do them. Don’t hold out until she does something first, you do something. Be kind, be loving, be an ally. Support her dreams and ambitions; support his goals and passion.

Buy some flowers, do the dishes, give her a massage, give him a massage. You know what he likes; you know what she likes; do more of that.

If you don’t know what your mate likes, find out. Ask, talk about it, explore. These are questions you can get answers to. These are questions you need answers to for your marriage to work well. Get those answers and act on them.

If you want to be more effective at work, look for what you do that nobody else can do, and spend more time doing that, and less time doing what everybody else can do.

Don’t spend your time gossiping, or complaining about your boss, or holding back your best effort. Those express a passive stance, and they are not only ineffective, they are exhausting.

In all areas of your life, pay attention to what you can do that is effective, and what you do that has little or no effect. Distinguish between these two, and spend your time on what you can actually have some control over.

This may be just 5% of everything that goes on in your life. If that’s what’s true, then don’t try to fight reality. Look at the reality, and spend your time in reality by doing what you can actually do.

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I will not be offering this Teleclass again for quite awhile; if you’ve been considering it, now’s the time!

Enter the New Year with the tools to develop new habits for a fantastic year; join me for an exciting Mastering Happiness Teleclass!

We make News Year’s Resolutions, and then form most of us we end up making very little headway toward actually establishing them. There are reasons for this, and in this class you will learn practical, effective tools for setting fresh and inspiring goals that will take us toward a more meaningful and satisfying life – not imaginary, wishful thinking, but real, down to earth skills for mastering your own habits, and your own happiness.

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Cost is $395. The class will be interactive, with homework and handouts to supplement the learning and takeaways. E-mail me at [email protected]  to sign up. There is a sign up page at my website, drjoelwade.com.

The teleclass will be taped and available for the class if there is an absence.
Class is limited to fifteen participants. The 90-minute teleclass will be held on four consecutive weeks:

FEBRUARY/MARCH TUESDAY EVENING CLASSES

• Tuesday, Feb. 19th at 5 pm PST (8 pm EST)
• Tuesday, Feb. 26^th at 5 pm PST
• Tuesday, March. 5th at 5 pm PST
• Tuesday, March. 12th at 5 pm PST