INTERNALIZED OPPRESSION

Over the summer, my family and I went for a walk in the nearby woods. There is a shallow creek winding its way through a beautiful redwood forest, and we thought it would be fun to take our malamute puppy dog, who loves the water, for a slosh up the creek. There we were, having a lovely time wading through the water, our dog in a state of canine bliss, and the four of us laughing and enjoying the day… then the thought appeared in my mind, quite uninvited:

"I wonder if this is okay to do. Should we ask the ranger to see if this is allowed?"

This is not good.

I remember as a kid, riding my bike through trails in Alum Rock Park, my bb gun strapped to the frame. My thoughts were entirely focused on flying through the woods, looking for a good spot to shoot, loving the day, feeling the wind on my face, the warmth of the sun, the beauty of nature around me, and the freedom of spending the afternoon doing as I pleased.

It was pure fun. This is one of the memories that brings me great joy to this day. It wasn’t an unusual day, I had many just like it; that one memory represents them all, and the joy that I feel is compounded and deepened by knowing that I spent many days just like this.

One thought that never, ever occurred to me was, "Is this allowed?" Of course it was allowed, this is a park; its purpose for existence is for our enjoyment. I needed to know if it was allowed by my parents, but I knew the general guidelines for that: be home by dinner, don’t do anything too stupid… I think that about covered it.

This spirit vanished last summer, the moment that thought, "I wonder if this is okay to do. Should we ask the ranger to see if this is allowed?" entered my mind.

Well, actually, it vanished for a moment. My next thought was, "wow, that’s weird." And then I talked about it with my wife, who was having the same thought, and we all laughed at how ridiculous it was, and continued having a great time perambulating the creek for the next couple of hours. That was one of our great times together over the summer, one that we’ll probably all remember fondly for a very, very long time.

But it could’ve been ruined by the kind of internalized oppression that I fear our culture has begun to get used to.

Have you noticed this? Are there situations where years ago you would never have thought, "I wonder whether this is allowed?" but now you do? It may not be a strong thought. It may be something that you notice and brush off like a harmless bug on your arm. But there it is now – and it wasn’t there before.

I don’t want to get too worked up about this. We internalize rules all the time. There are traffic rules, work guidelines, rules of good manners… these are all just behaviors that we habituate so our more or less automatic behavior is functional in the world. Such thoughts are no different in principle.

But they are different than they used to be. And this is a matter that requires our conscious awareness.

There are rules that allow us to get along better. There are rules in the park that legitimately help people to have a better day – pick up after your dog, don’t do things that would start a forest fire, things like that. There are some rules that weren’t there 20-30 years ago that are genuinely positive; there is much more awareness about issues of child abuse, for example. There are safety habits that would’ve been scoffed at when I was a kid that actually save and improve lives today.

But the controlling impulse tends to build a momentum; when one problem is apparently solved by making a rule, some people assume that more rules will automatically solve more problems – and solving problems is good, right?

My wife went for a different walk in the woods with an acquaintance from her work a few years back. This gal was married to some kind of environmental scientist, and so they were by nature environmental control freaks. When my wife said something about all the rules there are now just to take a walk in the park, this zealot said:

"If it were up to me there would be a lot more rules for the parks, I’d make it a lot more strict."

Of course she would. This is what matters to her. She wants people to behave the way she thinks they should in nature. And the zealot who runs the local planning department wants people to build their houses the way she thinks they should be built. And the zealot on the school board wants kids to learn what he thinks they should learn. And the zealot with the parks department wants to imprison people for getting too close to a whale.

And of course the zealot in the White house wants the whole country to bow to his enlightened will.

We all know that it takes conscious awareness and involvement if we want to keep our freedom – the cost of liberty is eternal vigilance.

But this vigilance is not only external. It’s one thing when the rules on the outside become oppressive – which they have – but you also play a personal role in this: your internal acceptance of an oppressive mindset is necessary for allowing an oppressive government to continue to intrude further into our lives. It is this internal acceptance and adaptation that allows people to continue to obey an authority that is out of control.

Our Founding Fathers knew this clearly.  As the oldest and wisest among them put it:

When one person questions oppressive authority, the likelihood that those who witness that questioning will also question it increases dramatically. If this happens widely enough, pretty soon you may begin to see a turn toward greater liberty.

Begin to look for the messages you tell yourself about what you can and cannot do, what is allowed and what is not. There are plenty of things that you should not do that are legitimate; but having a fun time with your family walking up a creek in the park is not among these.

~

What do you want to make happen in your life this year? What habits do you need to establish in order to be more effective and happy in your life? How will you go about learning those habits, and creating your best life?

What is the first step you need to take?

I want to humbly suggest that your first step may be to enlist me as your coach.

Changing habits is simple but not easy. There are strategies that are effective, and ways of thinking about your situation that are empowering. One of the main elements of making positive changes in your life is to have an ally, a guide, a coach.

·         An ally who will take the time to get to know you personally, to understand your situation, your dreams, and your goals

·         A guide who will help you to find effective routes to those goals

·         A coach who will help you to develop strategies, and keep you on track until you get there.

Sure it costs money, and you may be able to get some of this from friends or family, some from books; but much as I support getting what you need from your own circle, I have become more and more convinced of the value that a good coach can have toward actually creating the life you want to live.

If you imagine looking back on your life five years from now, what do you want to see? What kind of relationship do you want to have created with your mate, your kids, your friends? What kind of work do you want to look back on having done? What achievements have you maybe been putting off until the time is right – and do you want to still be putting those off five years from now?

Over the next year, do you want to make some significant positive moves toward this vision? If you’re serious about this, I want to help you get there. Let’s arrange a free phone call and see if working together would be what you need to get going on these dreams and goals. There is absolutely no obligation; the worst that can happen is that we have a nice talk. E-mail me at [email protected], or call at (831) 464-3374.

Ps: my rates will be going up a bit in January, but you can lock in a block of time now at this year’s lower rates.

Here’s what a couple of folks have said about their work with me (more here):

"Joel has an acute ability to get at the heart of any issue. He assisted me with defining success, goal setting, preparing an action plan and overcoming obstacles. His insight was excellent on the reality of what to expect in certain situations instead of a "pie in the sky" attitude that would have only set me up for failure.

"I am very satisfied with Joel Wade’s coaching and would recommend him to anyone wishing to better themselves and achieve lasting results"

"Joel handled my case and more so my person, with the utmost professionalism and care. He was a coach, a mentor and a friend. He was a great listener but also brought forth quick results that came from within me, through his guidance. I accomplished a lot personally through him and would work with him again without hesitation.

"Joel was instrumental in helping me find pathways and enlightenment to what was once a dark place. I cannot give enough credit to him, his discipline and his personal approach to me."