THE MICTURATING MONKEY

For close to a half-century now, ever since his first book in 1965, The Kandy-Kolored Tangerine Flake Streamline Baby, the best writer in America has been Tom Wolfe.

He told the story of the Hippie Sixties in The Electric Kool-Aid Acid Test (1968) and contrasted it with the Heroes of the Sixties, the original Seven Astronauts, in The Right Stuff (1979).  No one can skewer lefties with a literary rapier better than Wolfe – as he proved in his portrayal of "limousine liberals" (he coined the term) in Radical Chic (1970).  His exposure of the lefty fraud of Modern Art and its nostalgie de la boue (nostalgia for the mud) in The Painted Word (1975), is breathtakingly hilarious.

He has written four novels, the first in 1987, The Bonfire of the Vanities, which was made into a movie starring Tom Hanks, Melanie Griffith, and Bruce Willis.  The last is brand new, coming out less than a month ago, Back to Blood.

The "blood" isn’t about gore but ethnicity, specifically the ethnic divisions between Cubans, Whites, Blacks and others in today’s Miami.  But it’s neither the plot nor the characters that we’re focusing on here, but Wolfe’s tale of The Micturating Monkey – for it is of enormous relevance to conservatives.  It reveals the strategy by which the Left can be defeated.

Now, TTP is a family-friendly place, thus the euphemistic evasion in the Title of this article and the Summary above which will appear on the Home Page.  But we’re hidden behind the Home Page now in the "Read more" part , so here we go with Wolfe’s actual wording.  "Micturating" is a little-known synonym for urinating, thus Chapter 5 of Back to Blood is The Pissing Monkey.

Dr. Norman Lewis is a famous psychiatrist, so famous he’s about to be interviewed by Ike Walsh of 60 Minutes.  Walsh (based on Mike Wallace) is legendary for being a bully, for mercilessly going after an interviewee until they break down emotionally on camera.

His nurse, Magdalena, is worried that Walsh will ruin her boss on national television.  Lewis laughs and says Walsh is nothing but "a pissing monkey."  He explains.

A guy gets a cute male monkey as a pet.  Every chance the monkey gets, he climbs up on something, then urinates on the guy’s head – and laughs, EE EE EE EE, telling the man who’s boss and what a pussy he is.

(Note: I learned this when I was 16, living with the Jivaro headhunters in the Amazon. Whenever we went out on a hunt to blowgun monkeys, the monkeys would always scream and urinate at us from high in the trees.  At any rate, Wolfe has Dr. Lewis continue.  Pay close attention, conservatives!)  

"It’s no use trying to make friends, no use trying to pet him or coo sweet nothings or serve him fabulous monkey feasts of apples and raisins and hazelnuts.  Any way you try to please him will only make it worse. He’ll play you for a hopeless pushover.  Okay?  The only thing that works is, you grab the little b-tard while he’s at his bowl gorging himself, and you throw him in the toilet and while he’s flailing about in the water and he’s disoriented and he can’t get any traction on the toilet bowl, it’s so slick, you piss on him.

"You deluge him with every ounce you’ve got.  That monkey’s going to think he’s trapped in a piss monsoon.  The whole sky, the whole world is pissing on him. There’s no more air to breathe, only piss fumes.

"At first he’ll be screaming ‘EE EE EE EE,’ he’s mad as hell – and then the tone will change, and it starts sounding like a cry for mercy… and then it slows down to ‘EE… EE… EE… EE,’ and then the decibel level sinks, and nothing’s left but a pathetic little whimper, ‘ee… ee…ee…ee…’ and the next day he’ll be curled up on your lap like a little pussycat, begging you to pet him and coo your sweet nothings.

"You’ve shown him who’s boss around here.  You’ve shown him you’re the alpha male, not him.  And there’s your Ike Walsh of 60 Minutes… He’s a little pissing monkey."

So Dr. Norman Lewis "handled the fiercest man on television like a tiny pissing monkey," who ended the interview "curled up in Norman’s lap."

Think there’s a lesson here for us?  This is how we have got to start treating Libtards.  And you know how we’re going to start?  With college kids.  They’re the ones to jump-start The Revolution of Disobedience.

If there’s anything kids are programmed to do, it’s defy authority.  And if there are any authority figures who most typify tiny pissing monkey bullies, it’s lefty college professors.

Excepting most of those in the hard sciences, the vast, vast majority of professors in US academia are brain-dead lefties who haven’t had an original thought in years as they’ve never been challenged to have one. All they can do is spout memorized slogans of leftie clap-trap:  easy pickings for students with the moxie to think for themselves.

Maybe it’s time for a personal story.  I went to three different colleges for three degrees:  BA at UCLA, MA at the University of Hawaii, PhD at USC.  I personally sued one professor at each.  At UCLA, it was an English professor who gave me a bad grade not because of my writing, but because I made fun of Marxism.  At UH, I hauled the president of the university into court for suspending classes so the Campus Commies could hold a protest against the war in Vietnam.  At USC, I sued a department chairman over a payment he tried to screw me out of as he hated my being so right-wing.

I was on my lonesome back then, as there were no conservative legal support groups to back me up.  Now there are, such as the American Center for Law & Justice (ACLJ), the Pacific Justice Institute (PJI), and the Foundation for Individual Rights in Education (FIRE). 

FIRE, in particular, focuses on defending conservative student rights against liberal academic tyranny.  And there are others, such as The Rutherford Institute, in the news recently for preventing a Texas high school girl from being expelled for refusing to wear an RFID tracking device. When you’re engaging in civil disobedience, it always helps to have conservative attorneys in your corner. 

(In the Texas school case, a little science helps also.  Schools in San Antonio have spent $500K on their "Student Locator Project," which mandates students wearing a badge on a lanyard around the neck with their photo/name, a barcode with their SSN, and a RFID chip monitoring their movements on campus.

They need the Student ID part to use the library, cafeteria, or attend school functions.  But not the RFID tracker.  So all you have to do to disable it – or any RFID device – is cook it full power in a microwave oven for 10 seconds to fry its circuitry (hat tip: Skye!).  No lawsuit necessary, just sabotage.) 

Back to academia.  Ever hear of a guy named Mario Savio?  He started the 60s.  That is, his Free Speech Movement at UC Berkeley in 1964 launched the entire counter-culture college student rebellion of the 60s.  Kids those days were inspired by the civil rights movement against the undiluted racism of Jim Crow laws in the South and the control freaks running Berkeley.

Today, the control freaks running Berkeley and most every university in the country are on the Left.  "The Man" running their campus lives is a Marxist.  There is no escape from The Marxist Man’s stifling political correctness, rules everywhere they turn, and multi-culti anti-capitalist drool.  This is ready-made for rebellion.  The campus rebel’s mantra should be Think For Yourself! – challenging and questioning every mindless Marxist memorized slogan spouted by their pissing monkey professors.

They should exult at disobeying their school’s PC speech codes – Free Speech! – laugh at the meaninglessness of racism! accusations (as all it means for the Left now is schoolyard invective, a child yelling "You stink!"), ridicule lefty thinking as hopelessly stupid and obsolete, and call themselves Radicals for Capitalism, with Von Mises as the antidote to Marx.

The Anti-Capitalist Mentality, not the Commie Manifesto; Human Action, not Das Kapital.  Know your Von Mises, and taking down a Marxist in debate is child’s play. 

The most fun sport in the world (okay, next to sky-diving or scuba-diving for me) is pissing off the Left.  And it’s so easy!  We learned this back at the University of Hawaii in the late 60s, when we formed a student group, Students for Laissez Faire and wore buttons with a dollar sign — $ — instead of the stupid "peace" symbol.  We also had a button with the peace sign drawn as a B-52 bomber and the words "Drop it on Hanoi."

The campus lefties went apoplectic.  It was so much fun. 

Today, there’s a growing national organization to help conservatives on campus have this much fun, marvelously called College Insurrection.  It needs to be more radical, more in-your-leftie-face disobedient, more blatantly pro-capitalist, but it’s a start.

What we need though, what college kids need, is a catalyst, something that can drive them around the bend with anger and frustration – and not just conservatives but all college kids who aren’t complete moonbats.  What can light their fire?  One single word:  Debt.

If you have a kid in college, or have friends that do, suggest they form a Default Now! movement on their campus.  The Default Now Movement would stridently denounce the utterly selfish immorality of Greedy Government politicians saddling them with countless trillions in debt – and who show no desire whatever to stop adding to the debt, but want to keep adding to it so their government checks can keep coming in without having to pay for it.

Default Now – we won’t pay your debts! should be the mantra of every young person in America when it dawns on him or her that they are expected to pay for Zero’s trillions in deficit spending.  They should look upon Greedy Government politicians as criminals for putting their children, their grandchildren, and their unborn great-grandchildren in debt servitude, expecting them to pay off the tens of trillions in debt they borrowed and spent on themselves.  

They should condemn Greedy Government politicians as advocates of slavery – for what else is slavery but being forced to work for someone else at the point of a gun? We will not be your debt slaves! 

Further, as Chris Cox and Bill Archer make clear in the Wall Street Journal this week (11/26), the debt the Greedy Government politicians expect their kids to pay is over four times the current alleged fed debt of $16T — $86.8 trillion.  This means that there is no way whatever young people today will see a dime of all the FICA money the federalies steal from their paychecks every month.  Either that or what dimes they’ll see will be hyperinflated to thousandths of a cent.

Default Now and get it over with, as we’re not gonna pay your debts.  Remember the old Spanish proverb – And God said to Man, ‘Take what you want… and pay for it.’  Pay for your "entitlements" yourselves.  Your children and grandchildren won’t – for you are not entitled to make us your slaves.

It’s a message that can resonate deeply within any young American.  College is the place to start the rebellion.  A Pro-Capitalist Rebellion against the Marxist Establishment.  The Left is The Establishment now.  The only way for the young to defy authority today is to rebel against the Left, to be Radicals for Capitalism.

If we want Freedom to be the future of America, and our kids are America’s future, then we have to get them to fight for freedom.  We have to get them to start micturating on the monkeys of the left.  Should be easy and should be fun.   Let’s go.