WHAT DO YOU WANT?

(Note: next week’s Teleclass will be closed on Sunday this weekend, sign up now to hold your spot)

Sometimes we can have a sense that things aren’t working well, or we’d like something to be different in our lives, and we can try to take steps to change.  But without an idea of what isn’t working well, what we’d like to have different, or what we would like to change, we can end up wandering aimlessly through life. That’s what I’d like to help you to avoid today.

There are three questions that I’d like you to consider (courtesy of Kelly McGonigal, from her book, The Willpower Instinct):

–          What do you want to do more of, or stop putting off?

–          What do you want to give up or do less of?

–          What is the most important long term goal that you’d like to pursue, and what short term desire is most likely to distract you from taking the steps to reach that goal?

I have written about willpower before, of course. It is one of the most important qualities do develop for success and happiness. But there are actually three different applications of willpower, that use three different parts of your brain.

–          You can use your will to stop unwanted behavior or impulses – which is the right side of your pre-frontal cortex

–          You can use your will to take action that you want to take – which is the upper left side of your pre-frontal cortex

–          You can use your will to know what you want, and to keep track of your goals and desires – the lower middle part of your pre-frontal cortex

You may have some habit or addiction that has been hindering or harming you, and you know that in order to be happy, you will have to stop that behavior. That is a particular function of the will, which is different from getting yourself to exercise more, or to apply yourself more at work, or to decide what you want to accomplish long term.

All three of these functions of the will are important in different ways. What I’d like to encourage you to do today is to identify one quality or behavior from each category that you’d like to change or improve on.

Do you have a bad habit occasional behavior that causes you trouble? This could be anything from smoking or substance abuse, to distraction, to being grumpy with your kids, to ignoring your husband or wife. Anything that you know is not good for you, yet you find yourself doing it anyway; anything that you wish were different, but the path is well worn and takes energy and consciousness to stop.

That requires using your will to stop that behavior, which can include arranging your lifestyle so that such behavior is more difficult to do – removing all cigarettes from the house and cars, reminding yourself what kind of relationship you want with your kids before you interact with them.

Do you have a good habit that you’d like to establish, like exercising, or getting work in on time? That requires using your will to make something happen that you were not doing before. Having incentives and accountability can help – exercising together with friends (who will give you a playfully hard time if you don’t show up), for example.

Do you have things that you want to accomplish? That requires using your will to envision goals, and to plan steps that you need to take in order to achieve those goals.

You mission this week is to find one thing from each category: Find one behavior that you want to stop doing, that in the stopping your life will improve; find one behavior that you want to start doing, that in the doing your life will improve, and find one goal that you want to begin to work toward.

Define these clearly for yourself, and then you can begin to look at what to do to bring these changes about – which will be the focus of my next column.

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Join me for an exciting new Mastering Happiness Oct./Nov. Teleclass.

Enter the New Year with the momentum of new habits that have already begun to be established.

Instead of making New Year’s resolutions, as we head into Fall it’s a good time to look at what has and hasn’t worked so far this year, and to take stock of our lives so we can set fresh and inspiring goals that will take us toward a more meaningful and satisfying life.

We are bombarded with volumes of self-help or advice books, experts on television or other media telling us their ideas for living a good life. Many of which contradict one another! Meanwhile the science is often written in language that makes it hard to translate into useful action. Very few people have an understanding of the science of goal setting and the research around how to live a truly happy, flourishing, successful life.

In this class, you will not only learn principles of living a happier life, you will learn how to set and fulfill your goals, how to practice what you do to achieve excellence, and how to effectively use your willpower and mindsets to create a more effective life.

Cost is $400. The class will be interactive, with homework and handouts to supplement the learning and takeaways. E-mail me at [email protected]  to sign up. There is a sign up page at my website, drjoelwade.com.

The teleclass will be taped and available for the class if there is an absence.

Class is limited to fifteen participants. The 90-minute teleclass will be held on four consecutive weeks:

OCTOBER/NOVEMBER TUESDAY EVENING CLASSES

• Tuesday, Oct. 23th at 4 pm PST (7 pm EST)
• Tuesday, Oct. 30th at 4 pm PST
• Tuesday, Nov. 6th at 4 pm PST
• Tuesday, Nov. 13th at 4 pm PST