HALF-FULL REPORT 01/23/09

What could be more appropriate, on the eve of the TTP Carefree Rendezvous, than to hoist a pint of Four Peaks Ale brewed here in Arizona to an inspiring woman Republican governor who drives liberals out of their minds because she is a pro-family, pro-life, pro-Christian, anti-tax, anti-government spending, anti-illegal immigration Reagan conservative. 

Nope, we’re not talking about Sarah Palin – however much the HFR is happy to hoist a glass in admiration of her at any time. 

We’re talking about another fine lady who, in addition to all the great qualities above, has the greatest name for drinking to one could ever ask:  Jan Drinkwine Brewer.

On Tuesday (1/21), she was sworn in as the Governor of Arizona.  As the daughter of Perry and Edna Drinkwine, her maiden name is Jan Drinkwine.  She married a fellow named John Brewer.  Is that just too cool or what?

(Okay, she dropped her maiden name, and goes by Jan Brewer – but the story is too good to pass up.)

She was in the state legislature for years, then was elected to secretary of state.  As Arizona has no lieutenant governor, the secretary of state succeeds the governor if that office becomes vacant – which it did when Janet Napolitano was confirmed and sworn in Tuesday (1/21) as Secretary of Homeland Security.

Republicans control both houses of the state legislature, passing a number of pro-American bills that Napolitano vetoed.  They’ll pass now.  Keep your eye on Arizona and Governor Brewer.  They’ll be worth watching.

***

Right next to the HFR Saloon is the Schadenfreude Bar, which serves goblets of frothy glee over liberals’ misfortunes.  One patron was happy that Tim Geithner was going to be confirmed as Treasury Secretary.  "It will be wonderful to have a guy that cheats on his taxes be in charge of the IRS," he said.  "Now millions of us will say, ‘If he can, so can I’."

Another was gloating over yet another Democrat governor making a fool of himself.  "Blagojevich in Illinois, Richardson in New Mexico – they’re crooked, corrupt fools," he noted.  "But this classless clown in New York, Patterson, he’s just a fool, straight and simple.  Look how he trashed that poor little rich girl with those sad eyes, Caroline Kennedy.  No class.  It’s just one Democrat statehouse farce after another."

"Don’t leave out the Senate," sparked up someone else.  "Look how that Republican guy from Texas, John Cornyn, is making a fool out of Lost Harry Reid.  He told Reid to not even think of seating that grown-up in diapers, Al Franken, and is going after his jugular, vowing to see Reid is defeated for re-election in 2010.  I think Harry is going to be the Democrats’ weak reed in Congress."

Everyone groaned at the bad pun.  "You fellows can laugh about Democrat antics," said a guy at the end of the bar, "but it’s all small beer compared to how Russia is screwing itself.  The Kremlin had $600 billion in foreign reserves less than four months ago, they’re under $400b now, blowing off $30b just in the last few days!  The ruble’s worth 3¢.

"And rebellions are breaking out all over the country.  Remember that war in Chechnya, with Putin slaughtering thousands of Chechens?  Well, Pootie installed a Chechen thug named Ramzan Kadyrov to be his puppet, and guess what?  Thousands of young Chechens, men and women, have gone up into the mountains and declared guerrilla war against Kadyrov and Putin.

"There’s even secessionist movements among Russians now – Russians wanting to secede from Russia! – like in Vladivostok and Russian Far East.  So Putin is forming these gangs of thugs all over Russia – druzhinniki or "popular militias" – and arming them with clubs and stun guns with rubber bullets to suppress dissent and beat up any protestors.  Believe it or not, there are 35,000 of these militias now, with about 100 members each.  Russia’s headed for another Time of Troubles."

***

Let’s spice up the HFR this week, shall we?  With the world’s most expensive spice, saffron.  Costing from $500 to $5,000 a pound, it’s an essential ingredient in dishes all over the world, from paella in Spain to curry in India.  It might also be an essential ingredient in getting rid of the terrorist Taliban in Afghanistan.

What finances the Taliban is heroin, made from opium poppies grown all over Afghanistan.  90% of the world’s heroin comes from there, and the country’s farmers (i.e., most of the population) are dependent on the cash crop.  The only solution to the war in Afghanistan is get rid of the poppies, either by wiping them out with herbicides or… replacing them.

Until recently, no one could think of a legal cash crop that could possibly compete with opium poppies.  Now, Afghan farmers, with the help of US assistance and private businesses, are figuring out they can make more money more quickly by growing saffron.

90% of the world’s saffron, it turns out, is grown right next door in Iran.  Same kind of soil, weather, and growing conditions:  Afghanistan is ideal for saffron.  Afghan farmers have to be taught how to grow, handle, and process it – and they are learning fast.  "It’s not prohibited in Islam like opium (as are all intoxicants)," the farmers are saying – "and we can make more money."

What a great spicy solution to terrorism.

***

From spices we move to germs – microbes like bacteria and amoeba.  They can eat all kinds of things – like coal.  One species of microbe breaks the long hydrocarbon molecules of coal into shorter ones, another species then converts these shorter molecules into organic acids and alcohols – and a third species called methanogens feed on these organic acids and alcohols, converting them into… natural gas.

Only a little bit of natural gas, true – but what if you had a way, such as providing just the right mix of certain nutrients, to coax methanogens to produce lots more natural gas?  After all, just one-thousandth of US coal reserves could produce all the natural gas the US uses for years.  And in the ground, for a fraction of the cost of digging the coal out and transporting it.

Well, an American company in Golden, Colorado, has done just that.  Luca Technologies has developed a "geobioreactor" process to stimulate methane (the primary constituent of natural gas) production in US coal fields.  With little or no environmental damage, producing vast amounts of the cleanest energy fuel there is.

So there you have it:  a spice a solution to terrorism, germs a solution to the "energy crisis" – and energy independence.

"There’s a solution to every problem," my grandfather always said.  No if we only had a spice or microbe or something that would be a solution to Zero and the destruction he is about to inflict upon our freedom, economy, and culture.

The extent of that destruction to come was depressingly detailed by Dick Morris this week.  The HFR suggests you read this with an adult beverage to keep your blood pressure from exploding. 

Yet it’s only a possible future Morris describes, not a necessary one.  The future is still up to us.