GEEK HUMOR

I was sitting at Aroma Café this morning when another geek sat at the table next to me and booted up his laptop.  A woman, also a regular with a laptop, sat nearby, and another customer made a joke about Aroma becoming an internet café.

The three of us traded a few geek jokes.  There are so many funny computer stories and anecdotes out there, it’s a wonder some headliner comedian/comedienne hasn’t come up with a related routine.

Something like – "Did you hear the one about the computer programmer who gets shipwrecked on a desert island with a gorgeous blonde?

Of course, being a nerdy programmer, it takes him some time to screw up the courage to talk to her – and what do you think he asks for when she asks him,  "Is there anything that you really miss? Something that all men and women need? Something that it would be really nice to have right now?"

He says, "Yeah – an Internet connection."

You’ll find that joke and plenty of other cyber-classics here.

A lot of the jokes on this site sound like you’ve heard them before – because a lot of them are Polish, Jewish, blonde, lawyer, etc. jokes that have been reworked for the computer era.

A more original source of computer humor consists of the silly things customers say to tech personnel, salespeople, systems administrators, etc. Some of these sites – like the BOFH (Bastard Operator from Hell) sites, which describe the suffering of computer service workers dealing with dumb users, require a little tech knowledge or experience in order to "get it."

But not all computer humor is that esoteric – there are plenty of dumb users who don’t get even more basic information, like how to use a keyboard (Tech support: "Is the caps-lock light on?" Customer: "I’m not a computer person.").

There are dozens of such bon mots at the Computer Stupidities.

There are more such funny stories here and here.

More light humor is available in the form of the Dictionary of Computing

 There are some more real life examples, where the site’s author discusses his experiences behind the counter at a computer store.

And the Tech Tales site gives more computer, and with illustrations.

Computer humor isn’t all cerebral – you’ve got slapstick, action, and laughs galore. If you got stuck with duty at the office while your workmates got the day off, keep the spirit going for a long time to come by installing one of the 250 gag applications here.

The "Norton Comunder" looks just like Norton Commander, except that it "deletes" all files.

There are programs to flip the screen, "jump" the OK button, change the recycle bin into a toilet seat, or install a rat on your desktop that issues a "shutdown" order when you try to kill it.

You should use these programs only on people who can really take a joke – those who can’t may take your feeble attempts at humor the wrong way, and get a little hot under the collar.

Computers often inspire admiration, fear and even a tendency to pray ("Come on, PLEASE work!").

There have been, over the years, all sorts of cults – the most famous (and profitable) being the Cult of the Dead Cow. This is the home of the true believers – the ones who believe that computers contain not only a spark of electricity, but of the Divine (unless it’s all a big scam to sell T-shirts).

How serious are they? Well, one member developed an automated prayer program that will generate "an individualized prayer every 30 seconds."

Also listed among the religions of the computer world is the Cult of the Flaky Hardware, which believes in the development of a "single universal techno-theological belief system" based on people’s superstitions about computers – like, "If it begins acting up and I bang on the thing three times in a row it always works right."

The high priest of this cult takes pains to remind us that it’s all in good fun – but what was that hard drive sacrifice I saw him making all about?

The Easter Egg Archive is a fun way to pass some time. An Easter Egg in computerese is a hidden message, feature, picture, etc. stuck in by a programmer to identify the team that worked on the project, or just for fun.

The eggs included are for a wide range of computer software and hardware – but also for movies, music, and even coffee machines.

Yep, if you’ve got a Mr. Coffee at home, check out the egg at http://www.eeggs.com/items/22073.html. You see the name of the project manager – and the name of his kids!

Dennis Turner