HOWARD AND HARRIET

OK, now that I’ve gotten the outrageousness of the Miers nomination off my chest, let me tell you a story about a wonderful guy named Howard Papush. In 1980, Howard had one of the all-time coolest jobs in Hollywood. As the “talent coordinator” for the Tonight Show, Howard was a primary gatekeeper deciding who got to be a guest and sit in that chair talking to Johnny Carson on national television.

Can you imagine the power of such a job – how many entertainers fawned on him, willing to do anything to get the once-in-a-lifetime break of being on the Tonight Show? Yet you couldn’t ask for a nicer more unpretentious fellow than Howard. When I first met him being interviewed for a possible appearance regarding my book The Adventurer’s Guide, we hit it off immediately. So Howard got me on (see Johnny and the Tsansta ) and we became good friends.

Then Howard made a major miscalculation. For years he had been a professional success at spotting talent. He was famous in Hollywood for discovering a hitherto complete unknown named Suzanne Somers among many others. Suddenly out of the blue, Howard decided he had a talent for acting within himself. “I’m a pro at knowing who can make it in Hollywood, so I know that I can make it myself!” he exclaimed.

As Arnold says, “Big mistake.” However clearly he saw others, Howard was blind to himself. He couldn’t act his way out of a paper bag. The film clips he showed me were agonizing bad – so bad I couldn’t tell him, nor could any of his other friends. Howard quit his job, lost his home, his wife, and vanished into obscurity.

So when I think of Harriet Miers, I think of Howard. She is White House Counsel, legal advisor to the President of the United States, and in charge of vetting candidates for the Supreme Court. All of a sudden she says, “I’ve interviewed so many candidates, I picked John Roberts – why I know so much about who would be a good Supreme Court Justice that I could be one myself, better in fact than anyone else!”

Harriet should have kept her day job just like Howard. Now she’s exposed herself to national ridicule and merciless examination of every aspect of her life. From all accounts, she is a very capable lawyer, a very nice, intelligent, hard-working, decent person with solid conservative values. But she’s “pulling a Papush” to argue all of that qualifies her for the Supreme Court.

A lower-court judgeship, yes, but the Supreme Court should not be an entry-level job.

For Howard, this story has a happy ending – for this is America where you get to fail and then reinvent yourself. Today, Howard is a very successful corporate motivator known as “Dr. Play.” His Let’s Play Again! seminars have rejuvenated and brought fun into the workplace of many major companies throughout the country.

By teaching folks how to play and have fun again, Howard’s made himself a very happy guy. As the Aussies say, good on ya, Howard!

How Harriet is going to reinvent herself after her hubristic debacle I don’t know. I hope she can. I wish her well, I wish her happiness. But as predicted in That Tears It , it looks likely that she’ll have to ask Bush to withdraw her nomination before the hearings start.